CAN' PRETEND ANYMORE !

i can pretend my whole life.
i can fake everything.
i could lie about it.
i could even stay hidden....
but does that help anything?
pretending im ok,
when im not is killing me.
faking smiles everytime
i see you,
i cant pretend anymore.
lying doesnt do anything,
but make me untrusting.
and staying hidden....
well that only protects me.
from harm,
and hurting from people.
pretending makes me look strong.
but am i?
im not so sure.
i cant lie aboutt my feelings,
i cant hide my tears,
my sore red eyes are proof.
the headaches of crying
for hours at a time.
cursing into empty air,
does no great.
it only makes me look insane.
breaking things proves,
im out of my mind.
pretending my life isnt real,
i dont know what that does.
i should know better by now.
i cant make it go away.
i cant make things better,
on my own.
i dont want to get close
to people,
or let them in even.
but how else am i to get better?
maybe im better off wondering.
maybe i shouldnt know.
maybe my life was like "house"
the game we usesd to play as kids.
maybe thats really me.
its just pretend,
and what happnes doesnt
matter and isnt real.
maybe thats my case.